and you realize how much harder your life could be, how many more problems you could have, and how much harder you should be trying.

and because of that, you work harder and appreciate everything a little more, or you go on with your little life just as it is and disregard this knowledge.

i'd like to think i'm part of the first group.

and i like to think that next year i'm going to be more dedicated, more focused, and more stable than i've been in a long time. and with a little help and a little effort i know i can do it.

an hour ago i "graduated" from GST. a cheesy little ceremony with pomp and circumstance on the tape player, and a certificate stating that we "may have passed" our finals exams. i thought i would be more emotional about it, because i tend to be about most things. especially endings. but i wasn't so sad.

instead i was feeling optimism and hope. i knew that despite the ups and downs this year, i have in fact learned a lot. my entire way of looking at the world has been drastically altered. i have learned to really question what i see and hear and not just accept everything i encounter as fact.

GST is not solely responsible for this change, in fact, a great deal of credit belongs to the friends i have made this year. i remember last year, thinking about what college would be like, and i always imagined having great intelletual conversations, hanging out in coffee shops alot, and spending hours studying and reading everyday. i don't know if i really thought that would happen, but it was my perception of college life. coming here, i have in fact had many great conversations and discussions, and we do spend a great deal of time at the Naked lounge, but not so many hours of studying everyday. before coming to college, my friends and i never had so many conversations about ideas. thinking back i realize we mainly talked about people, and events, and it all seems very shallow. i am very glad to have met the people i have met this year, the people i live with, go to class with, and their circles of friends. i believe i have had one of the best first year college experiences you can have at chico state.

i'm excited about the rest of my college experience, i only hope i can remain stable and dedicated so i can succeed. and with the friends i've gained this year i'm sure i can.