inspiration is consuming me but still the right words won't come

and i want to type at my typewriter. because its better and for some reason my creativeenergies are thriving on it tonight. that is the creative energies i like to think i have.

i love the imperfection

however, i live in the company of others and have decided it may be a little inconsiderate to continue typing on a contraption creating loud chick-chick, chick-chick sounds as they try to sleep.

so i am left to my computer

and i can feel the energies (creative) draining from me

now i'm thinking more than pondering. (that makes sense to me)

something is going to happen within the next 7 days. i can feel. and i know it.

it all has to do with cycles.

the cycle of the moon. the cycle of my menstrual cycle. the cycle of my hormones/moods/emotions. the cycle of my friends/life/loves.

good or bad. longlasting or momentary. fulfilling or something that will turn into an everlasting regret.

its going to happen. and i'm a little scared.

lately things haven't gone too well for me. relating to myself and my needs vs. my wants. and the wants and needs of those around me. everyday i grow more confused. yet i become more sure of certain things every moment.

do you ever feel numb? or like an actor, or a member of an audience?

most of the time my life feels that way. i feel as if i'm an actor getting so caught up in a performance it can feel quite real occasionally, but then eventually you remember its all a game. its all staged. and i feel like an audience member watching my life unfold.i feel the pain and joy of the actors. but its not quite real.

sometimes i just want someone so real to happen that i can wake up and really feel things. so i can know this isn't just a long and twisted dream. i want to feel pain or joy so intense that i cannot doubt its validity.

please wake me up. because when i have these breaths of air i really don't want to go back to sleep.