i want to tear it out and throw it in the faces of those around me. shock them into silence.

i want a voice. a will. a new persona.

i want to be taught to communicate or to teach those around me how to communicate. because it never seems to work out.

some people are too overbearing. some are too quiet. some are boring. and some are constantly stealing the spotlight. some just are the spotlight whether they try or not. and some try and try to make it all work. make it all come out right. and never find out how.

if i wasn't so sane/selfconcious, these tears would be rolling down my face and i would crawl away.

but i know i'm being insecure. and i know this anxiety is coming from a million things other than those things i focus on.

but feeling this way is hard.

i'd like to be able to for once grasp myself, my sense of being, my words that are filling me up but never spilling out.