instability
i think i might change my major. to business management. i dont even know if thats what i'd need for what i want to do. i dont know. i just know that i was thinking about it and i like to be in charge. and i think i want to open my own coffeeshop. i don't know how well it would work out. i just know it would be nice to have a space of my own that i could decorate and play good music and have cozy couches and great coffee. and soft lighting. and people could hang out there and love it. it just sounds lovely right now.
today is odd. yesterday was odd. things have been changing and strange since last friday. i am an unsure and doubting person. doubting of others and most of all doubting of myself. i can see others handling relationships and occurrences in their lives in the way that i wish i could handle things. i don't want to doubt my thoughts and feelings. and i don't want to regret my actions. regret is something i'm not used to feeling. and then i doubt my regrets. its been a while since my mind has been this confused.
i feel lost when good things happen.
and this is a bad month for me to be trying to think about anything. i'm sorry i can be such an emotional wreck. and i'm sorry if i brought any confusion, pain, or fear into your lives. i never wanted to be a burden.
((and i feel so sure that when you really get to know me you will run.it happens. it always does))
7:20 p.m.