we decorated our tree at shango today. its really starting to feel like christmas. it makes me sad too though because after next week i won't see everyone for 5 weeks. that is such a long time. hopefully i still have my job so i dont have sit and listen to my parents lecture while not making money...hopefully everything works out and i am able to visit people a couple of times. i think over new years and then for the last few days before we come back to school. i'm going to miss everyone a lot. even thanksgiving break was hard after a few days. i just wanted to be back at shango with my room and my friends.

today class was better than other days. we watched a movie and discussed twelfth night. its a very good play and i'm glad we read it. tonight had its ups and downs. decorating is fun, and me and sara actually finished our homework. but i didn't do something i wanted to do. and my head is hurting.

i need to sleep more and stop being so emotional and moody.

and i'm tired of my hair and there's nothing i can do. its a trivial thing right now, but it still often bothers me . grow, grow, grow...

i want my friends to be happy. and i want to be happy too. these things never work out just right. i hate when i'm feeling down and out and later see a friend the same way. i hate that anyone ever has to feel like that. i just want people to be happy.

i should stop trying for things that aren't going to happen. redirect my life perhaps. but then there's always that jot of a chance...and i just can't let go. maybe i'm just fooling myself. in one way or another.

i'm going to sleep. this only wastes my time.

mood: thinking

music: i can't confront you