i woke up around 9:45 this morning. realizing i would be late for class, i emailed my prof and told him i couldn't come because i was taking my dad to his eye surgery. and then i got started doing my "getting ready" stuff and ate breakfast and looked at things online, all very slowly. then i saw curt's message that he couldn't take me anywhere before 1. and my dad decided he wanted me to come and be there while they did the surgery, and i said i'd come around 12. so i called the bus office, to ask when the next bus would come by that would take me to east ave, and it was at 11:28. the problem was that i'd not done a lot of "getting ready," because i always think i have lots of time. and it was like 11:05. so i pulled on some clothes, fixed hair and makeup super fast, threw some books in my bag, and ran out the door at 11:30. thankfully, the bus was late. actually, it was late enough that i waited out there for a couple minutes, realized it was cold and wet and rainy, and ran as fast as i could back into my apartment, got my hat, coat, and umbrella, and ran back out to the bus stop. the bus arrived, i rode it downtown and switched to the bus that would take me to east. so we waited for a while downtown, because thats what that bus does, and finally proceeded to go down to nord, and then over to east, and i wasn't exactly sure of where the eye place was. i had a general idea, and i know now i thought i had a better idea of where it was than i actually did.

so i got off the bus and started walking down the street. somewhere in the course of time passing since i talked to my dad about this last night, i'd switched which side of the road the place is on. so i walked for about 15 minutes in the pouring rain and wind and didn't see it, and called my mom. there was miscommunicating and she told me i needed to be on the other side of the street and walk back towards Nord. i was at the intersection of East Ave. and Cussick. you know the next cross street after the Esplanade, on the way to Nord? yeah. so i walked from there allllll the way back to Nord on the other side of the street. past lots of houses and apartments. no hospitals. and the rain rained and the wind blew. and then it blew harder. and then it blew my umbrella inside out and away, away from me into the sky. ...

so at this point i was thoroughly upset with the state of affairs, my eyes filled with tears, i was soaking wet by now-my socks, my pants, my bag, my shoes full of water. and now my jacket and my hat and the rest of me were free to get wet.

i crossed to that gas station on the corner and went inside. i'm sure i looked a mess. i called my mom, told her the situation and she felt really bad, and told me the exact address of the place and their phone number and said i had to walk allll the way back down to where it was. so i did. and by then the rain had let up a bit. so i walked, all soggy, in the cold and wind, from the corner of Nord and East Ave. allll the way down to the eye center. the eye center just past the raley's/albertsons shopping center. the one i had been about 5 minutes from when i was initially dropped off by the bus.

so i went inside and they took me to my dad, and they had already done one eye, so i watched them do the second. and it was really neat and really gross all at once. they cut the lens away, except they leave it connected by one little piece and peal it back. then they lower the laser machine and shoot precise lasers in. i was watching it on the computer screen and its really neat. the whole process is computerized. they put these clamps on your eye to hold it open, and then lower this thing thats connected to the computer program and it tells you to keep dilating the pupil and then beeps when its dilated enough, and tells you when to do everything, and then it locks in on your pupil, on the screen, and starts the lasers, and it adjusts like 250 times per second, to make up for and minor movements you make. but if you move too much, the program shuts off until you stop moving and restart it. so they did that, and my dad said he could smell a burning meat smell when they did the lasers, and it felt wierd but not painful or anything. he said the most uncomfortable part was when they cut the lens. so then they folded the lens back down, and let him get up. we went into this waiting room where all these older people who had just gotten done with their surgeries were all sitting around with closed eyes. we sat in there for a while, and then saw the nurse and doctor and stuff. and he kept saying his right eye was burning, and i bet it was awful. he can't touch near, or rub his eyes for like a couple months, because its really easy to make the lens slip out of place before it heals back up, and that can cause major problems because then your eye is just opened up to the world. so he has to wear these goggles every second until he comes for his follow-up appointment tomorrow. so his eyes were majorly dilated and all shotup with lasers for the whole ride home and a few more hours after that. he seemed really uncomfortable and held his hat over his face the whole time. also, i had to guide him walking around and getting in the car, and i think that made him feel weird too, having to have someone take care of him like that.

so anyway, we got back to willows, and i went to get the keys to his truck from my mom, cause alll of the roads leading my house are way flooded, so my car wouldn't make it. but ali and becca needed to get home too, because school had closed early and ali's car couldn't drive home either, so they just drove my dad home in the truck. and i came back to chico. and now i'm sitting in my room. and relaxing. cause its been such a long long day.

all of that, and this anxiety i've had for the past few weeks that i can't make go away about the situation everyone knows about, and homework i have to get done. always more homework. and whether or not i should go to guitar lessons. so i'm going to go clean my rabbit's cage. and get my homework done. and maybe, just maybe, have time to actually see my friends before the days over.

xo-kt

post script: i'm with emilie about the game. what are you trying to do dev, kill it?

oh, and read this