i saw lost in translation for the second time tonight. and it was so lovely once again. i noticed a few things i missed the first time around, and basically reaffirmed my initial decision that it is a fantastic movie. i will own it.

so i am at home for break right now, and its been odd. i feel like i've stepped back in time. to high school years or something. i forget i have a home in chico sometimes, but then i'm sleeping in the "guest room" which confuses my brain when i'm sleepy and almost walk into my old room. its weird to be a guest at this house. especially when my dad tries to give me guilt trips for not coming very often because "this is my home" after all. i swear he thinks i'm away at summer camp and will be returning shortly. i feel bad for ali and ma. they've got to deal with it 24/7. my parents need to leave this depressing little town before they can't. something like that.

there's been interesting talk of the idea of ali and i both going to schools in san francisco, perhaps getting an apartment together. i don't know if it will happen, but it sounds like a lovely little idea. i need to get my thoughts and plans together, before i wander through another year or two of school. blasted loans and expensive schooling. i just want to stay in college for always. (i'll change my mind tomorrow)

i'm confused about boys. and men. when does that change in definition occur anyway? i feel silly when someone refers to me as a woman. my mom is a woman. my teachers are women. ladies with jobs, who are over 30 are women. but what am i? at any rate, i want to figure out my life, and then carry it out. doing them both at once is quite stressful. i want to see the gameplan. have some kind of idea as to what i'm in for. maybe i just want to believe my decisions are already decided and that i can't mess things up like i always feel i am. This entire one life concept is making me feel cheated lately.

at any rate, its almost 3 and i certainly need to be in bed. enjoy your thanksgivings, try to appreciate people and warmth, and for god's sake read White Noise. its a damn fine book.

xo-kt