i used to think about all of these things, confident they would happen, just wondering about the hows and whens. lately i've been losing faith.

faith in myself, my dedication, and even my ability.

i look around me, and i see my room thats always too messy, my clothes that never fit like i want them to, my homework i haven't done, my books i haven't read, pictures of my best friends i no longer put effort into seeing. i see my past and my present intertwining into a downward spiral. most of all i see what i used to be, what i am, and what i'd like to be. and they're all very different.

i hope that my recent efforts in improving my life and where i am headed help me, and that i can make them habits. i hope i at some point become sure of where i'd like my life to be headed, and i hope at one point i realize that at this point, relationships should not be the focus of my life. and in that way clear them out of my thoughts to make room for more important things, and help myself become more emotionally stable. i hope that eventually i do find someone though, and that i know it is THE someone for me and don't push them away.

i hope for all of these things and i hope i don't let myself down by not making them happen. i don't want to be sitting in my room with 6 weeks left of school in a year or two and thinking the same things. i want to be on a path, with a direction to head in.

i want clarity, for this tiny life to make sense.