i've never pressured anyone.

i usually assume the worst and therefore don't take chances.

so i'm accepting that this is how it will be.

when you asked if i'd be sad, i didn't really know what to say. sad has so many dimensions.

do you mean would i be sad and depressed so that it took over my life, or sad in a way that would make you feel bad, sad in a way that would make me act so strange around you. or just sad in that way that would be expected when you hope for a something and it doesn't happen.

because i'm really not sure. i know i feel that sadness thats to be expected, but as long as we really can be good friends then i think things will be okay. it may take time for me to not think of you in that way. and it may take time for me to never think, just maybe... and it may take time before i stop sinking into sadness every occasional while because i do still miss you.

but i understand what you said. just like i always understand when people explain their reasons to me. i understand and accept and step back because eventually feelings fade and senses numb.

and really what i wanted was a chance to explain to you what really happened. and i got that. and now at least theres not really things left unsaid between us. so now i hope that we really will be friends. and i hope that we can talk to each other about things. because you're a great guy. if you weren't i would never have liked you.

so lets toast to the future. friendship, new things, and getting back to happy.