fcuk
sometimes thinking helps nothing. and talking just makes you think more. and this is a disease i carry inside me. and if only i could feel you. and i hate that anybody thinks or feels like this. and i'm sorry for every dumb thing i've ever done. please don't hate me for it. and i haven't cried in such a long time and now i am. and i dont know why. and fuck everything. why do things have to be complicated. and why do i have to do stupid things that make things more complicated. if only i was smarter or had more willpower or wouldn't think so much. maybe things would be easier. but probably not.
ps-apparently if i was going to kill myself, this is how i would do it (and no i'm not going to kill myself. thats just wrong):
my method of suicide: asphyxiation.
you're smart enough to realize that death isn't something to be toyed with, but you still have the occasional suicidal impluse or desire. you are extremely cautious where it comes to self-mutilation, self-abuse, and substance abuse. if you were going to commit suicide, you'd want it to be as painless as possible.
Tuesday, Jan. 14, 2003
6:33 p.m.
6:33 p.m.